Rohan Ruzzman Grateful for just being... One With Life!
Today I was grateful for not trying to 'solve my problem'. Instead, just sitting with it. Sitting with that uncomfortable feeling that 'I need to sort something out'. By not leaping in with a 'fix it' frame of mind, some space opened and allowed me to see my thought stream. I was imagining the most challenging scenarios and demanding of myself that I be at my best at those precise moments. I realised that I was asking myself to be some kind of superhero! Magical childlike thinking. Swoop down and rescue me and impress everyone at the same time!
Prior to this realisation, my thoughts had been circling around the following notion: "Re-invent yourself every moment". This thought had helped me out of a dark hole some weeks earlier. But now I could see that Ego was using this concept of perpetual regeneration to fuel the Superhero fantasy: "When I get into one of those challenging situations, this time I will prevail! I will become very Present, rather than succumb to my fears, and, Like Neo in The Matrix, re-invent my surroundings, my world, with the power of my mind! I will be my own superhero!"
I couldn't 'fix' the problem, because I was looking at it through Ego and Ego saw the problem as "How can I get to be that superhero in that challenging moment?"
What an unrealistic expectation to place on myself! Am I really expecting myself to be at my best when situations are at their worst?! Perhaps we're just meant to feel however we feel in those moments.
With Ego taking a backseat, then I could see that the most important thing -- the only thing -- is to be One With Life, which means to be One with the Now, with this (the only) moment!
I don't need to re-invent myself, because I already am all I need to be, here, in this moment.